Recently, I’ve got that not-so-lovin’ feeling. That feeling of simply going through the motions, and I sometimes ask myself, “Just what is it that you’re doing?“
My faith is the biggest part of my life, and has been for a long time. It’s not about wavering dedication or devotion toward God. No, my commitment is fully intact.
It has more to do with not knowing exactly where I am supposed to be, or what I’m meant to be doing. Certainly, I have my own notions of what I’d like to do. At some point, I usually end up telling myself that it just won’t work.
Basically, I’ve been waiting for that lightning strike of an epiphany to tell me what I’m supposed to do with my life. To be quite honest, I’m not sure that that storm is coming.
And you know, perhaps waiting on it would be an insult to God, anyways. He didn’t give me talents, ideas and notions just to sit around and wonder what to do with them. Oftentimes I’ll be thinking about how cool it would be to write books about Christianity. Or to be a youth minister.
Alas. If I delve too deep into those notions of a religious education and career, I start asking myself the same old questions.
You want to write a book about Christianity? Who are you to do such a thing?
Making money off of God? How could you?!
It’s thoughts like these that point me to the most harrowing thought of all.
I do not feel consumed by Him as much as I think I should be.
That is to say… All. The. Time.
Granted, I realize that not every single moment can be one of intense religious fervor. Somewhere along the line I got it stuck in my head that by not having an around-the-clock spiritual tingling, that I’m not meant to serve in certain capacities.
Perhaps it’s time to acknowledge reason. No, I’m not going to feel emotionally raptured every second of every day. If it were that easy, we would all be Christians. Instead, we rely on our Faith in Christ to get us through the day-to-day. Adhering to the Bible helps us find the discipline we need to keep our lives focused on God and His will. Keeping an open dialogue with God–praying and listening for His response is what will lead us in the right direction.
It might not be the makings of 24/7 excitement, but it is the foundation for a lifetime relationship with our Creator. I think, for me, that is comfort enough to simply get up and Go.